It’s about a month since we were seeing the sun rise over the mountains.
Riva del Garda was our home for that week. It lies at the northernmost end of Lake Garda.
We walked every day. Sometimes it was alongside this beautiful body of water and on other days we went off into the mountains that surrounded us.
Going away gave me time to rest from my normal everyday happenings. My body took a break from massage, which although it has made me strong has a repetitive quality to it and is very wearing on the whole of me.
We often carry on doing something when we know deep inside it is not in our best interests to do so. Sometimes we have little choice and simply have to do what we have to do to get by. There are times though when change has to happen in spite of what our head is yabbering on about! That requires a certain level of intuition, a connection to how we feel deep within our heart/soul and heart stuff can take some fathoming.
Our days passed and every day there was beauty and time to stand, breathe and consider.
For me that meant taking a sneaky look at what I intend to do in the next year!
It often occurs to me that I do things because I feel I must! To be good enough I must be good! What will happen if I don’t do that?
Only last night before teaching I mentioned that I had always been The Good Girl much to the amazement of everyone. As a child I always did as I was told and did ‘jobs’ to please my mother. I have no real idea how that all began but presumably I felt there were conditions attached to her love for me. Now that may not have been her reality but as a small child I surely learnt somehow that to be loved I had to be good.
Being away in such a spectacular place felt so healing. Every day I breathed in fresh air, walked for miles, ate moderately and laughed a lot with John. I came to the stunning idea, which he has been talking to me about for quite a while, that I could possibly/probably/certainly do more of this healing, walking, breathing stuff….what a revelation!
I have for the past fourteen years been self-employed. There is a joy to that. I am my own boss and there is a sense of freedom. I make all the executive decisions..some of which are based on how extended can I realistically make my coffee break! However, there is no sick pay and there is no real control over how much money I make every month and whether that will be sufficient. Interestingly, the more I worried the less everything flowed, clients and money! Slowly, slowly over the years I have relinquished my hold on whether I will be successful. The past several years have been all about doing The Best Body Treatment for every single soul who honoured me with their presence!
I have built up a wonderfully loyal following, many of whom see me every month. However, I have twelve more months of being in my fifties! I gently bring up the idea that perhaps in the not too distant future I may choose to do less/no body treatments.
And so we climbed high and breathed hard and the chattering in my brain quietened. We were away from our familiar setting and some of our daily habits were shrugged off. We talked, we always have but sometimes, like all couples, we fail to hear the words and the feelings being conveyed.
I have returned and a month on I am conscious of the need to change things gradually. I will do less bodywork in the coming months. We will walk together more often. I will make sure that I breath deeply of the fresh air and there is really and truly nothing out there that I must do!
Always, always I am drawn to the outdoors. My body and mind feel so healthy after a time spent walking upon the earth. Long ago when we lived in Kenya and Zimbabwe we spent hours being outside and every night stretching high above was the sky…stars, planets and the moon in all its phases. In my modern Mancunian world the night sky is not that clear but taking a break has left my mind feeling easier and cleaned out. Our walks by the lake worked their magic. It’s amazing what nature can do if we let it soothe and heal us.
Happy Days ahead to you all…